"You are a Freak." My first words from my Dad to giving me advice of my life living in the world.
It would take some time before I understood what was actually being stated here. The lack of any understanding of who I was as person.
Of how I think!
Of how I feel!
Feel about anything....
This is not about growing up as Queer or gay in the world. This is about the beginning signs of my life on the spectrum. Later as I was diagnosed, I would come to find that there are different levels and different life experiences of all things. Being a part of the spectrum is not a one size fits all opinion. Like any of us are different but the spectrum means our life is enhanced. It is intense and our levels are heightened in many different ways. How we were brought up. Our day-to-day environment. The people we associate with on all levels as well as our interactions. \
For me it was not just about growing up Jewish, Queer or white privileged. I am part of the Spectrum.
Right here my life began as an Onion. An Onion has many layers. As you peel away each layer you would eventually get to the Onion. In my case I am a huge, massive Onion with all kinds of layers. So as to not scare anyone away, the ones that have survived my extensive personal tests as to who they are and what to me get to have an incredible ride. This Onion is worth the ride.
From my earliest personal experiences as an Adult to now. This is my attempt to give you the reader a better understanding to walk in my shoes. Thank God that I like a lot of shoes!
This is my première. My opening act to say as we unlock the mysteries of my world and who knows you might just gain some insight and maybe not run away when I am just trying to get to know you. To understand you.
It is true quick blast of lights are unsettling to me. Walking down the Red Carpet is like a mine field to me. My first experience was the Golden Globes. I opened the wrong door. I was immediately transported to machine gun effects of the lights continuously going as I bolted down the red carpet. It took a while of just walking around by myself to come back into the present.
The next clue I got was I could never understand why I hated to be hugged or touched unless I knew it was coming. Random hugs or touching my shoulder would send me into a panic with increased heart beats and almost full-blown panic attacks, again breath control would save me again as I recover.
To add on to hugs here. There was a dinner I attended and as the evening was winding down, my friend picked me up and spun me around and around as he hugged me. It would be my first time of getting used to random hugs, but the caveat was I had to like the person. Or know them somewhat. The very thought of being at a football game as they scored the winning touchdown would be panic city as people tend to pick people up and hug them without knowing who they are.
No, not for me ever!
What we will explore is my relationships.
The people I have gotten to know.
The intense conversations with all walks of life.
My insanely amazing life experiences.
Taking the unknown out of knowing someone on the spectrum.
Being accepted in society without anyone having a clue.
My goal here is to be a voice from the spectrum world and to make people realize we are human too.
Having a little practice as letting people know my Jewish World. My Queer World and yes my white privileged world. I am just Rand!!
This is about to get real.
Thank you for coming with me on my journey.....